Cultural Review: Starbucks

In this CULtural review it's useful to remember that Cul is french for arse. And that about describes what MIM thinks of Starbuck's CULinARy(e) experience.

Where to begin? We walk into starbucks and are greeted by a welcome chill of cold air - at least till we remember that nicely chilled air came from oil stolen from the middle east that powers the air-Con. What happens next? Advertising. Okay so far no good, just standard capitalism. But wait. Soon we realize we are in someplace very ... special. It takes not too long to realize we are in ... a temple! A temple of consumption!

From the finely appointed ceiling lights to the extra comfy chairs en passant par the outlets for laptops -- this place is luxury heaven!

So we walk up to the bar to get a cup of coffee. Fair trade coffee either does not exist or is not being pushed by starbucks. If StabBucks were to push the fair trade coffee maybe it would get a better review. Nope. So we try to get a coffee, just a fucking cup of exploitation of Third World plantation slave labor -- but no. There are far far too many choices. And each and every one of them more pretentious than the last.

What about the so called workers at StabBucks? After all this is where the tr0ts claim to see revolutionary potential. Please. Spare us. First, have you ever seen those yellow smiley buttons that mutated into pacman back in the 70s? That about sums up the usual StabBucks so-called worker. A happy little cog in corporate profit. I have never seen more flippant, glib and sacharine sweet cheery people in my entire fucking life. WTF. Do those corporate yobs realize they are nothing but cheap labor? Apparently they think they are junior partners in capitalism, just like MIM says they are, and judging by their stock options and plans for expansion they -- and MIM -- are right. Tr0tskyite lusers those fuckers at stabbucks are NOT workers. They are junior partners in capitalist exploitation of the Third World.

And did I not mention StabBucks is a temple to consumption? Indeed. What kind of consumption, i mean is it people at least consuming necessaries? No. It's a fucking coffee shop. It's all luxury consumption, not one bit of it necessary to survival. In fact it's about a drug addiction, caffeine. Hm. What do we say about a place Dedicated to conspicuous consumption with no useful purpose where one can lounge back in a super comfy chair enjoying their cup of superprofit exploitation?

Yep. It's a ORGANIZED PARASATISM.

Still having trouble believing me? What about that stupid fucking tipjar then? It's counter service. Yet they want tips? Explanation please, what are they doing that is oh-so-extra special as to deserve a monetary thank-you? Nothing. And that is what Stabbucks is all about -- doing nothing, really, while feeling self important and acting pretentious.

In case you tr0tskyite lusers are still having trouble buying MIM's analysis of these so-called workers let's just listen in on the witty panache of those so called workers. Typical comments included "Go big or Go Home" those fuckers are obviously planning their next move up the corporate latte.r. Likewise "It's like christmas in a cup". Yeah, rot your teeth out, thanks greed.

Is there ANYTHING good to be said about Stabbucks? Yes. The toilets. You can actually lock the door and bathe and shave. Homeless people should all go to Stabbucks to do their washing up. No one will notice. In fact they will feel guilty -- and they damned well should. Fucking parasites.